What do you consider stressful? A divorce, a job loss? What about the loss of a child or financial difficulties? If you would imagine a stressful situation maybe all those people who lost just about everything in those tornadoes would come to mind. Or what about all the weapons of financial destruction in 2008 that sent the global economy into a vortex of despair? When life throws you an unexpected curveball.......you know, a onetime event how do you respond?Most folks probably would think positively that life will return to some sense of normalcy and that they will get through it. And most of the time that is the case. But what would you do if your life was nothing but a steady stream of never-ending problems? Would you continue to think positive and have calm and joyful thoughts about your future even after decades of mindless crap?
I said before in a post that I will be turning 43 this year and I can assure you that I can not wait till my life is over. Sometimes I wonder why I get out of bed because it seems most days I am confronted with a steady stream of mindless shit (pardon the pun). If it's not someone stalking you, then it's constant job problems and crappy pay that barely pays the bills. If it's not your health, then it's constant financial difficulties. If it's not dental problems, then it's your car constantly breaking down to the point where you are certain it is demon possessed. If it's not someone harassing you, it's your car that was just stolen! If it's not your boss writing you up for stupid mindless crap (because he/she is on a power trip), it's someone criticizing you making you feel worthless. If it's not someone falsely accusing you of something you DID NOT DO, then it's someone smashing your vehicle in the rear end leaving you crapped on, a hit and run. If it's not someone getting serious revenge because you accidently offended them (which, by the way, you had no idea), then it's your domestic arrangements.
Well I know we all have problems. Problems are a part of life. They are like the air you breath and the turds you poop. They are never going away but some people are plagued with problems like the black death that practically swallowed up Europe in the mid-14th century. Some people are confronted with problems so severe like the bubonic plague, that they become so discouraged they truly wonder WHAT IS THE POINT? Now I know I am not the only one who feels this way. Why does it seem that some people have a certain ease about their lives while others are battling their way through Guadalcanal never knowing what is going to happen next.
Do you know why I watch war documentaries? Because I feel many days like I am in a war against opposing forces ever seeking to destroy me in any and every way it can! And those forces are UNRELENTING, never a moment of peace. I try to imagine myself like a soldier in a Russian T-34 tank plowing through the Germans at Stalingrad but most days I feel absolutely defeated and dejected like I just want to throw in the towel and call it quits because I am battled fatigued and I simply can not stand the crap anymore. Now the truth. I refuse to put on some fake little smile and pretend like I love my life and I am so thrilled about being here. I refuse to be some pious saint who utters pious platitudes or some sick sadistic masochist who enjoys pain and suffering. Because of the constant chagrin and vexation of soul, I can assure you that I can not wait till God calls me home to the paradise He spoke of where there will be no more problems like these.
To elaborate, who lives a life like this? Who wants a life like this? Do you? Certainly not! You would find a way to repudiate all association with such a life. But there is not much you can do about it right? I mean you can not control what other people do to you. For example I can not control someone falsely accusing me like my mother did. I can not control a man stalking me and slandering me like this guy from Atlanta did. I can not control someone choosing to steal my car like someone in Valley Forge, PA did. I can not control someone smashing in to my rear end and taking off leaving the scene of an accident like this young black kid did in Philadelphia. I can not control someone smashing the car window and stealing my handbag like someone did in Easton PA. I have found that no matter how humble you are with some people on jobs, they still hate your guts and will find ways to get rid of you and I can not control that. I have found that no matter how many times you try to explain to some people your behavioral responses to your life, they still won't listen, but rather choose to consider you a section 8 case instead! I have found that no matter how much money you put into a car, it still has problems! I have found that you can strive and strive to accomplish and it doesn't freakin matter anyway because in one split second all your effort is made futile by another persons' actions towards you. All your hard work is undone! Because of their lack of accountability, or because they want to abdicate their responsibility, you are left holding the bag........you are left to pay for their grievances. In other words, you suffer because of their selfishness.
I can remember when I was living in the Philly area and my Honda would not pass inspection. It needed several things done and I did not have the money. There was simply nothing I could do until I scraped the money together over a period of several months. During that time I was pulled over at least a dozen times for inspection. Each time I explained the situation to the officer and most times they were pretty good but one time I was sent 200.00 in fines so I had to go before the judge, I spent two days in the auto repair shop, countless minutes lost from being pulled over. All the STRESS of that situation was in no mitigated until the car finally passed inspection. No sooner did I get that car to pass inspection and the f------ car was stolen! Not more than 3 months after I get another car, some wacko smashes my rear end so hard that he pushed me into the car in front of me damaging the vehicles' front head lights. It would not pass inspection because of that and now I was left with the same freaking problem all over again! And what happens? A cop pulls me over for overdue inspection. I try to explain to him that some wacko smashed and damaged my vehicle, leaving the scene of the accident, and that there was no way I could come up with the money to fix the lights, it was not my fault and that it would take awhile to scrape together the money to fix it. And what does he do? He cites me with a ticket anyway!
Many times I wonder why I even bother trying to accomplish anything! All my efforts are futile and in vain! There are even times when I have reached out to others to encourage them in their problems or help them and I have been accused of either promoting myself or having some ulterior motives. I have found that you CAN NOT avoid gossip from other people no matter where you go unless you go camp out in the middle of nowhere and just disappear! I have found that you can not run away from problems because they have a way of following you around like a shadow. Whether you are living in Miami, Singapore, Atlanta or New Jersey, it does not matter because your shadow will follow you everywhere you go! Now many preachers will preach to you about the lessons in trials but that simply falls on deaf ears because you feel more like Job sitting in heap of ash scraping the boils on your skin with a piece of glass desiring death more than life!
As I said before problems are a part of life and having the proper perspective certainly helps. The proper perspective helps you to separate in your mind the difference between tragedy and challenges. And much of my life has been one challenge after another. One obstacle after another. One setback after another. Although sometimes literally war! So I don't know whether you would call that a tragedy or a challenge. I suppose it depends upon the circumstances. They say money can't buy happiness, but I will tell you it certainly helps mitigate the pressures in your life. It's easier to solve your problems when you have money. It's easier to address dental problems or health problems when you have money. When you are poor you pretty much feel like you are in a slow pressurized cooker.
Sometimes I feel like I missed the boat somewhere. But then I think of those who missed the Titanic and its maiden voyage. Sometimes I think I should have married a well to do man in my hay day but then that probably would have ended in divorce! Statistically speaking, those are the facts. Then I try to creatively solve my problems thinking that if I do A, B or C then everything will just be a little bit easier. But then that kind of thinking is flawed because that is just UTOPIA which does not exist. So this is why I watch war movies and read history books because they are grounded in reality and on a daily basis............that IS my reality!
So I am left with one conclusion and that is to rely on God's strength and pray that He helps me get through this JUNK until it is finally over because until then, the problems will NEVER end!