How would you describe this picture?

In one hundred words, write with creative expression what you think is happening here. Use descriptive words. Show, don't tell what happening. Are those spit projectiles? Are her eyes glaring with the intent of death? Are her fists tightened with the strength of steel? Is she ready to pounce on her subject of disdain? Is the pitch and volume of her voice high with excessive decibels? Does it reverberate and echo throughout the entire building that everyone else can hear it? What words and sentences is she speaking? Are they curse words? Insulting words? Hateful? Threatening words? How do you think the recipient of this bully is feeling and thinking? Describe the tension in the scene.

Justice

Is there any real justice in this world? Do you believe there is? If you had to constantly bare up under unfair circumstances and had been sorely wronged by another, even though you had to pay very HIGH price for their selfishness and saw no real recompense, would you still believe there is justice in this world? And how would you define justice? Is it more concrete or abstract? Is it some arbitrary number or criminal sentencing?

Suppose you were a victim of a drunk driver. You were waiting at a red light minding your own business and someone smashes your vehicle. Due to the severe impact of the rear end collision, your vehicle is now declared a total loss. And this person that was drunk, was very drunk. Not just a little mind you, but very drunk,.33 BAC. Not only do you loose your vehicle, but you get severely injured and loose your job. Then the drunk drivers' insurance company tries to blow you off, your employer tries to screw you out of your job, and the doctors try to minimize and trivialize a severe spinal injury that causes so much pain (herniated disk WITH nerve root compression) and if that's not enough, then your insurance company raises your rates even though you were not at fault. And now you want to shop around for cheaper rates but you can't get anything cheaper because now this accident, even though YOU WERE NOT THE ONE DRUNK DRIVING, is showing as a record for a claim on your drivers license! How is that justice? You can tell me if this were you. Would you believe there is justice in this world?

Now imagine if people had the audacity to call you "princess." Being hit by a very drunk driver and that horrific nightmare you had to walk through and bare up under was just one event of the many other horrific, nightmare events you had to walk through. Would you still believe in justice? Would you still believe there were decent people left in this world? Is it any wonder why now you don't trust people and you've become a very STRONG individual? You had to walk through that nightmare alone with no one coming to your defense! Because you were living alone, no one was there to see the countless nights you couldn't sleep because of jabbing, stabbing pain shooting down your left arm and in your neck. They were not there to see the ataxia, visual disturbances, muscle weakness, dizziness, and nausea and vomiting. In fact, you were held in the court of public opinion with a negative bias that was not in your favor even though you had done nothing wrong. You had to fight every tooth and nail just to have your most basic human rights met because you were treated like an animal, not a human being with dignity. So why should you believe there are still decent people left in the world when all most people have done is wronged you, belittled you and minimized and trivialized your severe hardships?

What do you honestly expect in a sinful, wicked, depraved world? Ecclesiastes 5:8 says "If you see the oppression of the poor and violent perverting of judgment and justice in a province, marvel not at the matter: for he that is higher than the highest regardeth; and there be higher than they. In other words, God is higher than any judicial court system in this world and he will dole out His justice in due time. No one will escape the justice of God.

I still believe in the goodness of God despite all that. But it has changed my perspective. I no longer hope in people or this world.......my hope is in God. Psalm 41 was the passage I came to when I was going through that horrific nightmare and it spoke directly to my heart. As a result, I quickly shifted my focus from horizontal to vertical. Psalm 41 was tailored just for me during that time because every word was true to what I was experiencing. This Psalm is a prayer for healing written by King David (who btw, had many enemies).

Blessed is He who considers the poor. The Lord will deliver him in time of trouble.
The Lord will preserve him, and keep him alive; and he shall be blessed upon the earth: and thou
wilt not deliver him unto the will of his enemies. The Lord will strengthen him upon the bed of languishing; thou wilt make all his bed in his sickness. I said, Lord, be merciful unto me: heal my soul; for I have sinned against thee. Mine enemies speak evil of me, when shall he die, when shall his name perish? And if he come to see me, he speaketh vanity: his heart gathereth iniquity to itself, when he goeth abroad, he telleth it (or gossips). All that hate me whisper together against me: against me do they devise my hurt. An evil disease, say they, cleaveth fast unto him: and now that he lieth he shall rise up no more. Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me. But thou, Oh Lord, be merciful unto me, and raise me up that I may requite them. By this I know that thou favourest me, because mine enemy doth not triumph over me. And as for me, thou upholdest me in mine INTEGRITY, and settest me before thy face for ever. Blessed be the Lord God of Israel from everlasting and to everlasting. Amen and amen.

The faithfulness of God

There are seasons in the lives of all when it is not easy, not even for Christians, to believe God is faithful. Our faith is sorely tried, our eyes dimmed with tears, and we can no longer trace the out working of His love. Our ears are distracted with the noises of this world, harassed by the atheistic whisperings of Satan, and we can no longer hear the sweet accents of His still small voice. Cherished plans have been thwarted, friends of whom we have relied on have failed us, a professed brother or sister in Christ has betrayed us. We are staggered. We sought to be faithful to God, and now a dark cloud hides Him from us.
   

We find it difficult, yes, impossible, for carnal reasons to harmonize His frowning providence with his gracious promises. Ah, faltering soul, seek grace to heed Isaiah 50:10; "Who is among you that feareth The Lord, that obeyeth the voice of His servant, that walketh in darkness and hath no light? Let him TRUST in the name of The Lord, and stay upon his God"


When you are tempted to doubt the faithfulness of God, cry out, "Get thee hence, Satan." Though you cannot now harmonize God's mysterious dealings with the avowals of His love, wait on Him for more light. In His own good time He will make it plain to you. "What I do thou knowest not now, but thou shalt know hereafter" (John 13:7). The sequel will demonstrate that God has neither forsaken nor deceived His child.

"And therefore will The Lord wait, that He may be gracious unto you, and therefore will He be exalted, that He may have mercy upon you: for The Lord is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that WAIT for Him" (Isaiah 30:18).


                                             Judge NOT by thy feeble sense,
                                             But trust Him for His grace,
                                             Behind a frowning providence He hides His smiling face.
                                             Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
                                             The clouds Ye so much dread,
                                             are rich with mercy, and shall break
                                             In blessings o'er your head.



Adapted from "The Nature of God" by Arthur W. Pink......one of the most prolific Christian writers.
     

Do you really try to understand those around you?

                 
                                                             I   UNDERSTAND


                                                   Have you ever felt misunderstood.......
                                                      like no one really does care?
                                                         and though it seems no matter what you do,
                                                            life never seems to be fair.

                                                   Or maybe you just want someone
                                                      to put their arms around you,
                                                          and whisper these comforting words,
                                                             "I understand, what can I do"?

                                                   Very few people really take the time
                                                      to notice those through the day
                                                          who may just need some encouragement,
                                                              with the right words you can say.
                                 
                                                    Unfortunately, most people are quick to judge
                                                       with criticism and being demanding
                                                           and throwing you another blow,
                                                               to keep you from standing.

                                                   If we would but think twice
                                                        choosing instead to be kind,
                                                            and to reach out a loving hand,
                                                                what a refreshing world we would find!

                                                   For kindness is like a soothing oil
                                                        that truly is needed by us too
                                                             so please let's take the time today,
                                                                 to understand and help another through.


                                                                   By Cindy Holwick

                                                 "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul
                                                  and healing to the bones".........Proverbs 16:24

Midlife crisis or an adjustment in perspective.

Just recently I began thinking about my life and the fact that in just 2 (very) short years, I will be 40. Wow, what a milestone. I suppose I am to believe that I have somehow managed to stay alive to reach my 40th birthday or that now that I have just about reached 40 and peaked, it is all down hill after that. I know I am aging.....I look in the mirror and the face is not what is used to be. Clearly wrinkles are popping up overnight and the grey hairs, oh my, that just seem to appear out of nowhere. My energy levels have definitely changed.......they seem to ebb and flow, never steady and PMS, well, lets just say that is a whole other story. I have heard some docs say that PMS for some women gets absolutely dreadful in their 30s and who knows what I will encounter with my hormones in my 40s. I just can not wait to find out, naturally I say that facetiously. And notwithstanding, other seemingly embarrassing situations that I never encountered in my 20s......not so fresh breath occasionally, body parts beginning to lose their firmness and subtle fat deposits that just will not budge no matter how many drudging mountain trails I run. But thats all vanity and vanity is temporal, not eternal, and no matter how much I try to hold on, the fountain of youth is slipping quickly through my fingers, like Niagra Falls.


But that is just one compartment of my life that most the world sees when they meet me. As the Bible says, man looks on the outward parts, but God sees the heart and that to me should be the defining moment. The world measures success through outward externals......wealth, fame, beauty, title or position but God overlooks all that. Superficial does not interest God. Character does and that character is formed in the crucible of poverty and weakness. The Spirit of Christ chooses obscurity, lowliness, humility, and poverty. It compels to simpler faith in God, for the rich man MAY trust God; but; the poor man MUST. The poor man has no fortress in which to hide except the two strong arms of God. He or she waits on Him for their daily bread, and gathers their manna. The rich are waited on and pay for servants to wait on those they love. The poor are called to minister to one another and in this way, they become like Him who became poor so that we could become rich. God chooses human weakness and vulnerability to expose His strength. The world will avoid failure, weakness and vulnerability at all costs, yet in the process, they lose their real humanity and never grow. They will cut you down to naught in your failings, but God sees them as prime opportunities and only stepping stones towards tangible spiritual growth, for He will redeem them fully for His glory. The world is afraid to fail in front of others or appear weak or insignificant, but it is only through weakness that Gods strength is manifested and it is only through myself being insignificant that God is seen through me. I must decrease so that He can increase.


If I view my life through the lenses of this world, I can easily become discouraged and disappointed with the lack of accomplishment in my life. My life can easily become an exercise in futility if I do not allow my perspective and my mind to be renewed to the Truth of Gods Word. When I think of my future, I can easily become discouraged because I have no real education and the cost of living is literally going through the roof and If I am desiring a lofty title or secretly wishing I was the CEO of the company I work for or that I could start my own business rather that be in the lowest rank file where you get all the crap dumped on you.......like in the military.....least rank, least amount of respect, yet seemingly doing most of the work, is my flesh leading me or is the spirit of God who came to serve, not be served. The Pride of life is a dangerous proclivity and a stumbling block towards genuine spiritual growth and in the end, whether you are on top of the world or on the bottom cleaning toilets, if your heart is not right and you lack character, you will never make an impact and you will never reach your potential with God. Being faithful in the little things, God will make you faithful in much. Bloom where you are planted so to speak and enjoy the journey taking just one day at a time, for Jesus said, do not worry about tomorrow.


So as long as I keep this perspective and remember too, that my life is a fleeting vapor......it appeareth for a moment and yet vanishes away and Eternity is but a breath away, my one and only goal of my life should be just to finish like the Apostle Paul said. He had fought the good fight and had finished the race, he had kept the faith. There was laid up for him the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, gave him and will give to all those who long for His appearing.

A Tribute to my cat, Sabrina....my best friend and companion.

When I moved out to Northwestern PA to help my dad who was just recovering from surgery and rehab due to a leg amputation, I decided to adopt a cat from the animal friends shelter in St. Mary's. I have never adopted a cat from an animal shelter before but I have always had kittens and cats in my life ever since I was a little girl. As a little girl, I would dress my kittens up in a dolly dress and surprisingly they would tolerate it.

As I walked into this shelter, there were cats everywhere. Some were missing an eye and some that just looked destitute. Many of them were strays, many were abused and many were abandoned. I spent some time there looking around and tried to find "the one" who would stand out but none did for some reason. I mentioned to the owner that I wanted a cat without claws and she showed me one who was a very quiet, large tom cat. He was so reserved that they had to keep him in a separate room. I went ahead and agreed that he was the one I would adopt but I still had my reservations. They told me to come back in a couple days to finish the adoption. When I came back those couple days later, as I was waiting for them to get tom cat ready, out comes this darling little girl, prancing into the room with shiny black hair and a big fluffy tail. She meowed at me as if to say, "hi, who are you"? Right then and there I knew she was "the one". She still had her claws, but I did not mind because I fell in love with her right away. So I adopted her in January of 2008.

When she came home with me, she spent several hours affectionately rubbing my legs and hands, I guess to get to know me or something. After awhile, she started to investigate my apartment and soon made herself at home. She quickly established a routine and found her favorite hang out places and sleeping places. We bonded pretty quickly. In all my years of owning cats, I have never seen a cat eat doritos and potato chips, but that she did. She would literally put her whole head and paw in the bag and steal one and eat it. At first I got mad, but eventually I realized this was our bonding time, so I let her do it. She would always greet me at the door when I came home from work and would not let me do anything until I greeted her and kissed her and gave her some "love" time. She needed her daily cup filled with affection. She would follow me around my apartment like a puppy dog and "hang out" with me. When I was upset and crying, she would immediately sense this and come to my aid to comfort me and show me her unconditional love. If I was talking to myself, she would hear me and come to me to see what I was saying. When I would wake up in the morning, the first thing I would do was go to the bathroom. She would get up right away and come into the bathroom to sit on my lap while on was sitting on the toilet. This was her way of saying good morning.

She would watch me take a shower, a bath and brush my teeth. If I was working on my computer, she would want to sit upright on her bottom on my lap so I could pet her tummy hairs that were so curly and soft. She would always join me at eating time of course and to watch the evening news. She always left me a treat in the morning of a overturned trash can with a trail of scraps and tissues left on the floor (I am certain this came from her nomadic days of roaming the streets). To sum it up, she was my best friend!

When Sabrina and I moved back east into my brother's basement, she adjusted well or so I thought. She would always follow me up the stairs but we soon found out that she was the "night prowler" and we decided to keep the door shut at all times. She tolerated my nephews well even though they teased her. Sometimes she would "scrape" them as my nephew Ben would say but again it was because she was being teased or that she was afraid. Sabrina did have a problem with being pet too much. For example, in the beginning of our getting to know each other, she would come to me while I was sitting on the sofa and rub my arms and hands so I would then pet her. Suddenly she would scratch me and get mad and run away. I thought maybe she had some psychiatric issues or maybe she had bipolar from living on the streets but I realized that many domestic long haired cats and maine coons do that. It's intrinsic to their personality. After she got to know me however, she stopped doing it to me.

As the months passed on, we got by, but I had many challenges that were keeping me preoccupied so I did not realize that Sabrina was slipping away. She started to drink and pee excessively. She seemed uninterested in having any fun. She appeared lethargic and quiet and depressed at times, but I thought maybe my mood was effecting her, so I really did not seem too concerned. Then I started to notice that she was losing a lot of weight because she was not eating, her hair was falling out and her breath smelled really bad. She had ulcers around her gums and her teeth were brown and chipped. She also would vomit a lot and dry heave. And then she had a very strong body odor (the waste and toxins were building up in her tiny body and poisoning her). It was like she took a sudden nose dive in a matter of days. This was when I realized something was terribly wrong.

So I began to research her symptoms online and found several sights on chronic kidney failure and the symptoms of this terminal disease fit her to a T. I did not even have to get blood work done to confirm diagnosis. I already knew. She was crashing and in crisis mode. This was an emergency. I had to make a quick decision. I could not stand by and see her waste away into nothing and suffer. That would break my heart. I also knew I did not have the money for repeated vet visits and several medications to sustain her life for perhaps only a few more weeks. This disease was terminal no matter what heroic measures I would take, so I made the decision to put her to sleep. But not before I spent extra quality time with her giving her love and affection which I think she desperately wanted and needed. I remember several times she would sit on her perch and just stare at me as if to say, "mom, what is wrong with me"? Funny thing though, when she wanted to get out of my room, she would take her paw and pull that door wide open with no problem. Looking back, I think she was a little ticked off because she felt so crummy.

I took her outside and walked her and she enjoyed that very much. That seemed to lift her out of her depression. I caressed her and reassured her that her battle would be over soon and she would not have to suffer anymore. I told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me and that she was a brave little kitty cat. I fed her fresh cooked chicken breast and tuna, which she enjoyed but later she did not want to eat at all. I knew she was really sick and anemic........she felt cold to touch. Her heart was beating rapidly which led me to believe she could possibly be in congestive heart failure. The day before I put her to sleep, she was restless. She could not get comfortable but she managed to make it through the night. The day of the appointment, this past Friday, I came home from cashing my check so I could pay the vet and I called her name and she came to me right away. I think she knew because she really did not fight me. She was just too tired and sick. The people at the vets' were so nice. They made sure that I had enough time to cry and hold my kitty as she lay there lifeless. They gave me a towel and some tissues and left me alone to hold my kitty. Truly it was so heartbreaking. I felt so empty afterwards. My best friend gone.

Looking back, I wish I had recognized her struggle earlier. I would have spent so much more time with her, comforting her as she did me. I would have kept her first on my priority list, but instead, because I did not know that she was in kidney failure, I was busy and neglected her. I was too selfish to think of her. I could have had more time with my baby before she died. But I could not assuage my guilt by prolonging her suffering. I felt it was in her best interest to let her go so she would not have to hold on and suffer only to meet my needs.

I buried her at a local park under a tree. A quiet place so I could go and visit her. I miss her dearly and wish I could have my Sabrina back because she was very special. I can not just trade her in for a new model. I will always remember her and when I think of her I have good memories, like when she would wake me up faithfully every morning at 4 am by batting the window blinds and making so much noise. I can't help but be sad because I wish she never had this terminal disease and I would have loved to have had many more good years with her companionship. I know animals do not have souls but you would swear they did because they just seem to know how to communicate and understand you when you love them. I know God gave us these sweet animals to love and cherish. I thank God for giving me Sabrina even though it was for a brief time, and I thank God for healing me of my grief and filling my cup when I felt so empty when she died.

Here are some online resources for cats with CRF and their caregivers and tributes to those cats who died of the disease.


http://www.felinecrf.org/other_peoples_losses.htm


http://www.felinecrf.com/



*************Sir Winston Churchill was so found of his cat Nelson that he made a permanent place for him in the Cabinet Room. In his will, he left a sum "for board and lodging" so there would always be a marmalade cat in residence at his Chartwell home.

*************"The cat always leaves his mark upon his friends".

Thoughts of Heaven even on a good day!

Looking at this picture makes me think of a vacation with joyous rest, where there are no worries or cares in the world. Imagine nothing but peaceful bliss and yet even on this good day, it simply can not compare to what Eternity with the Lord Jesus will be like. The Bible gives us a glimpse into this glorious abode where supernatural to us now is only natural and normal there. Where there is perfection and beauty beyond comprehension. And yet, I wonder how many of us who personally know the Lord Jesus Christ actually ponder this. Unless, of course, you have been through struggle after struggle and difficulty after difficulty.


Suffering makes you long for Heaven. It makes you long to be in the presence of a perfect God while embracing and feeling His rapturous love, a feeling this earth and physical existence could never give you. Right now, we can not fully feel the height, depth, length and breadth of Gods love until we are made into the incorruptible (I Corinthians 15:52-54). Certainly we can experience and know of Gods intimate love and care over our lives but nevertheless, it does not negate the pain and suffering of living in a flesh and blood existence that is subject to weakness, fraility and sin. We know each day we are dying, certainly as we age.


It is sin that has brought death to all (Roman 5:19), but it is Jesus Christ who has conquered death and the grave! Oh Praise be to Jesus who has given us the victory over death and the grave! The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.....I Corinthians 15:56-57.


I was reading an inspiring book written by Don Piper called *90 Minutes in Heaven*. I felt such excitement, but also relief, when I read this book because I finally found someone with which I can relate. I too just want so badly to be in Eternity with my Lord Jesus. I think about it every day. This mindless physical existence inspires very little hope for me and is a constant reminder to affectionately long for my real home where my true citzenship is. This book tells the real story of Don Piper who, in 1989, was in a serious auto accident that literally killed him. He had no vital signs, no pulse and was declared dead by rescue personnel. During his 90 minutes of death, he was taken to Heaven and given a glimpse into this realm of glory. While he was there, God sent a pastor at the site of the accident to pray for his dead body. The man who prayed was certain God was telling him to do that. So 90 minutes later, after the pastor prayed for him, the supernatural, although completely natural and normal to God, happened and Don came back to life.

But not without many years of agonizing pain and suffering. Because of the severity of his injuries.....much too tramatic to describe without making ones stomach turn, he was reduced to such limitations that he felt worthless. I know exactly how that feels, Lord knows I do. He struggled every day with depression, often times longing for isolation, refusing help from people trying to minister to him. He lie there in a hospital bed for several long agonizing months in one position. His injuries prevented him from being raised up or being turned and repositioned in the bed. Just the slightest move of his extremeties caused excruciating pain, even while on large doses of morphine. He endured many bedsores before they finally switched his mattress to an air mattress designed specifically for bed ridden patients (bed bound patients often struggle with phenomia and decubitis ulcers). His recovery was long and arduous and that is why the realities of his circumstances were so hard to accept. He questioned God so many times as to why God would torture him by bringing him back to this kind of suffering. He wanted to die every day, especially after he experienced Heaven for 90 minutes. But why would God do this. Why would God inflict such horrible pain. These questions he asked himself everyday. I imagine Job who cursed the day he was born and questioned God as to why God would allow him to be born.....only to know trouble and sorrow all the days of his life (Job chapter 3).

Don Piper went to Heaven when he died and yet God allowed him to live to see his devoted wife and children again, and yet still, he wanted to die, again and go back to the paradise that Jesus showed him. That right there is enough to explain why many Christians long for Eternity right now..........they do not want to wait, they want to go right now, even leaving behind many temporal blessings. When God allows you to taste excruciating pain and rejection or loss, or when God gives you a glimpse of Eternity, there is only one response.............to be where Jesus is and nothing else! That is what I want every day because therein lies my future (Job 3:20-24).


I would encourage everyone to read Don Piper*s testimony. He will inspire you to long for Eternity and it will remind you of how awesome our Lord God Jehova is!

Is there an appropriate title for this?

What makes you happy in life? Would it be a wonderful family? Perhaps it would be a successful job. Or maybe good health? Perhaps it would be a close knit church family who loves you and supports you through hards times. Or maybe even be good relationships within the parameter of family, work, community and church.........in other words, you have a pretty good reputation.


Well suppose you did have all these things, but, little by little, God began to take those things from your life. Would you still be happy? Would you still be thankful? Would you still praise God? I am sure many Christians would most likely say, "Well yes, because God says to give thanks in all things, so yes I would", or perhaps they would say, "It would definitely be difficult but I would pray and read the book of Job and other scriptures to encourage my heart". Well I can assure you that it's much easier said than actually done.


Here's a scenario that I'd like you to sincerely consider and as you read this, take the time to ponder Ecclesiastes 7 v.3 which says, "sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better". Suppose you were raised in a Christian home and everyone therein was born again, redeemed souls of God and suddenly one morning you wake up and everything changes. Suppose your parents decide to separate because they can't live together anymore. You are 11 years old and God allows to taste your first bitter disappointment in life. How would you respond? Would you pray to God and ask Him why? Would you fall into a depression? Would you spend most of your days trying to figure out what you did wrong? Now suppose several years pass and your parents have finalized their divorce and one morning on your birthday the remaining parent that you live with decides to falsely accuse you and throw you out and basically treat you like an illegitiment child. How would you respond? Would you forgive or would you get revenge? Would you get seriously depressed? Lets just say you choose to forgive and trust God with all you've got because you simply have no other choice and because you can't see the road ahead, but somehow you know He does. Now lets say several years later you try to reconcile with this family of yours.....this family that God put you in and you realize how incredibly painful it is because you know deep down inside you are still treated like an outsider and when you see pictures of your older brother getting married and you are not included in any of those pictures, yet all the other siblings are.........how then would you respond? Would you feel worthless? Would you feel angry? Would you feel cheated? I am sure you would feel those feelings and more. How would you deal with life then? Would you go to the scriptures and cry out to God for understanding? Or would you seriously consider ending your life because you see no more purpose to the suffering and the pain?

Now lets say that while you have been dealing with this family trial which has been more than enough to bare, suppose God allows you to be poor, while you see your family prospering and enjoying each other's company without you and then to add insult to injury you feel the constant sting from your family's judgment because you are usually in need financially. How would you feel then and how would you respond? A lot to ponder here.........so please take your time.


Now suppose on top of being left out of your family and having your character assassinated by them and being poor, the little that you do have is constantly being stolen from you because once again God is allowing these things to happen to you. You go for a run because you know exercise helps you cope with the stress, and when you come back your car is stolen. Oh and you've just been fired unjustly from your job. What do you do now? Do you get so pissed off that you just can't stand it anymore? Do you get so damned depressed that you figure this life ain't worth living anymore? Or do you just think.......with a smile....."WOW, I must be living in a garbage can........yeap, Satan's garbage can"! So let's say you decide to trust God once again but not until you allow yourself time to vent your anger. It's takes a couple weeks but by God's grace you are back on your feet again trying to stay afloat and God supplies your need of a new car. He provides it through your family but it doesn't come without a price because even though your family may give you a car that you know you must have for work to support yourself, they add judgment and criticism to it. As if you didn't already feel like a victim of crime....now you feel absolutely miserable. Then you say to yourself, "how I am suppose to be thankful for this constant nonsense in my life? I mean, this is now getting ridiculous, one thing after another, it just never ends".

Now just imagine after all this, several weeks later the police call you to say they found your stolen car on the streets of Philadelphia. You know you want to go see it to get some of your things, provided they are still there. When you get there, you see that your pocketbook is still there, even though you went through the trouble of cancelling all your bank cards and checks and you put a fraud alert on your credit reports........you know, the usual things you must do when your identity is stolen. So you begin to feel some kind of relief that you got some sentimental things of yours back. As you are leaving Philadelphia, you are waiting at a red light and one person is ahead of you waiting at this red light too. Suddenly someone smashes into your rear end, jolting you forward so far that your body slams into the dash board and your head hits the windshield and you were pushed into the guy in front of you. As the adrenaline rushes through your body and you realize what is happening, you see the driver that hit you, drive beside you, make eye contact, and bolt off. You instantly jump out of the car to run after him to get his license plate but before you know it, he is nothing but a vapor in the distance. You know that you don't have collision of your insurance policy because you can't afford it. When you return to your car, the person that you were pushed into starts to scream at you, blaming you, and calling you a "crazy woman driver". Keep in mind that you have already endured enough criticism and hardship in your life, being blamed for crap you never did and constantly being criticized and judged to the point where no matter what you do people will always harass you. At this point you feel so helpless, you wish you had a gun so you could shoot yourself. Eventually you realize you have to see a chiropractor because your neck is on fire from severe wipelash. The X-ray shows that your cervical region is no longer curved but straight up and down..........an indication of the severe trauma you received from the driver who committed a crime of hit and run. Now you have residual pain that will never go away and sometimes you can't sleep at night because you simply can't find a comfortable position for your neck. So how are feeling at this point? Are you feeling so tired from the battle field that you just want to quit? Have you put in your resignation on life? Or do you walk around just pissed off all the time because you realize God has assigned to you a life of pain, hardship, and trial?

Oh, I'm not done yet, in fact, I'm just getting started. Even now, as you battle anger, bitterness, and resentment, you have a friend from a large Baptist church in Atlanta that you attended and you think he is your friend because he calls you frequently and wants to talk. This relationship that you have is in your mind platonic. But you knew that this friend wanted more from the relationship. You assumed that if you told this person the truth from the get-go that you had no interest in pursuing the relationship further than just friends, that everything would be ok. I mean after all he was attending a large Baptist church with a world renowned pastor preaching from the pulpit. So surely he must have some maturity to handle disappointment. Never once were you abusive to this person but were always honest with your feelings towards this person. One day this person decides that they are going to get revenge on you for apparently "stringing them along" or whatever and this person sends you hate mail and hate email, slandering you to the point where it borders on criminal activity. They start stalking you and it's so bad to the point where you have to have them arrested. Obviously this friend had a disproportionate response to the so-called offense that you caused them. Now this person puts you through a trial and bad mouths you in the courtroom. They continue to justify their actions by casting blame at your feet, even though they "apologized". After this you know for sure you will never get involved with anyone ever again at a church, much less even go to church, because most people are carnal in churches anyway, that you simply can not endure anymore betrayal, deceitfulness and gossip. You've had enough!!! Now.......is that how you would respond? Or would you continue to be a toilet for people to crap in? Really ask yourself how would you honestly respond to all this sh-t?


Once again you are assulted with another crime. Someone smashes your window to steal your pocketbook, even though you put it in the truck to hide it from criminals. And once again you have to go through the trouble of cancelling all your bank cards, credit cards, checks, etc., etc. On top of all this garbage that has been thrown your way most of your life, there is the added pressure from all your so-called church friends that you are not responding obediently to God and you are ruining your testimony. What do you do now? Do you tell the world to f--k off? Do you tell everyone to shove up their ass and leave you alone? Or do you go back and forth between trust and anger, resentment, and bitterness? Or do you isolate yourself from everyone or at least those people who have no idea how you feel because they have a comfortable life and you have nothing in common with Christians like that?


This is my life........has been my life and probably will continue being my life. So my only hope is heaven.......not this garbage can down here. The apostle Paul said it well in Philippians 1 verse 23, "For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is FAR better"............no doubt Paul said that because of all the crap he had to endure. One thing I have learned for sure is that suffering gives you a greater appreciation and longing for Eternity. This is a garbage can......it's Satan's garbage can and God said one day that He would destroy this earth and create a new one wherein only righteousness dwells. That's the day I long for......until then it's like living in a concentration camp under Nazi rule. So to encourage my own heart as Paul frequently had to do ( II Timothy 4:16 ), I will remember what Paul said in Philippians 3 verse 8, "Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but DUNG, that I may win Christ", so yes, everything down here is worthless crap when compared to the beauty, perfection, and glory of Christ Jesus so why should I be upset over losing something (whether that be friends, family, possessions, etc., all), that's elephant crap anyway!




"I cried unto the Lord with my voice; with my voice unto the Lord did I make my supplication. I poured out my complaint before Him; I showed before Him my trouble. When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. In the way wherein I walked have they privily laid a snare for me. I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me; refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul. I cried unto thee, O Lord: I said, thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living. Attend unto my cry, for I am brought very low: deliver me from my persecutors; for they are stronger than I. (bring my soul out of prison), that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal boutifully with me"...............Psalm 142




****special note.......my mouth might be a little profane which is why I used blanks and God forgive me for that, but somehow I know that is the only way to express how I really feel without putting on a fake church face and plaster smile or the use of pious platitudes which so many use for their so-called spirituality.


*********I appreciate the Psalms of King David. David had his ups and downs in life. Clearly he poetically revealed his moments of despair and his moments of trust and faith in God. David was real, expressing his joys and his lamentations. He revealed his courage and his vulnerabilities. Some days he was full of confident faith, other days he was down in the dumps........so naturally I relate quite well to him. Some days are good, others not so good, but I do know my times are in His hands.

Pick your poison

According to a report published in The Journal of Gender Studies, many American women are bucking centuries of traditional gender roles by placing stunted, emotionally unfulfilling relationships on hold in order to pursue mind-numbing careers devoid of any upward mobility.

The study, which surveyed a cross-section of 477 female recent college graduates, found that young women were 23 percent more likely than any previous generation to seek dissatisfaction in the professional world rather than in empty romantic partnerships. Dr. Gillian Detweiller, a professor of women's studies at the University of Maryland and coauthor of the report, said that the data suggests a cultural sea change in how women choose to experience lifelong disappointment!!!

I am one of these women that this article is talking about. In my early twenties I dated several men and always came up empty......just too much shallowness, so I turned my attention to work instead. But unfortunately, that too, has turned up empty. I have gone through so many jobs in the healthcare field that my work is actually becoming an oppressive burden. What gives? Going to heaven? Yeah! I'm all for it. Many times I just wish God would get on with this world and bring all the injustice to an end and wrap it all up. Many times I wonder how God allows all this evil and particularly, the evil in men's and women's hearts, to go on. In the days of Noah, God looked on man's hearts and saw NOT ONE noble intention.....in fact man's heart was intentionally evil all the time and God was sorry He even created man. Wow, pretty pathetic isn't it? As a Christian, I am perpetually disturbed in my heart by all the mindless nonsense I see in the workforce, particularly among women. It seems people thrive on gossip, backbitting, backstabbing, deceitfulness and the like. When someone comes along and makes it very clear they have absolutely no intention of being that kind of person, they will immediately become the subject of scrutiny. In other words, they will stand out like a sore thumb.

In the many jobs I have had in Long term care, some women are like Nazi troopers, beastly, with very little feminine qualities. They seem to thrive on gossip, backstabbing and tearing another individual down to absolutely nothing. It's make you wonder where these people were raised. Were they raised on the African plains were they became savage beasts just to survive? I don't know, but it has become increasingly depressing to work with people like that. And this is why I keep quitting jobs. The last job I was at, I explained to the director of nursing that I am not a gossip, I am actually a loner because I will not engage in mindless chatter that is only about tearing another person down. She tells everyone that I am not a social person and I don't like to chit-chat. Well, that's not entirely true. I am social and I do like to talk, but I will not engage in mindless negative gossip. There's a big difference between constructive criticism (that has the goal in mind of making a person better) and criticism that based only in contempt. The first one is postive, the latter is negative. And it just seems that people are more interested in the latter. Everyday I would go to work, on my break I would sit in the break room and turn on the TV and it never failed, a soap opera was on. When people fill their mind with mindless crap, out will come mindless crap. I have encouraged women repeatedly through the years to read a newspaper instead of reading a Harlequin Romance novel. To watch the History channel instead of watching soap operas (that basically teach you to be a backstabbing you know what).
I've also encouraged women to read the dictionary to enhance their vocabulary. These are all postive, not negative. But unfortunately, people have no interest in intelligent things, but rather juicy gossip and mindless, idle chatter.


Even in churches that I have attended, I have found this to be true. People seem to be more interested in competing and knowing the latest gossip of a divorce or an affair or the new person attending than they do in what the sermon was about or what God was doing in their life. I have found that people can recollect very sharply the latest gossip than they can the morning sermon and how God spoke to their heart. Why is this? Is it more entertaining and exciting to know the lastest gossip or is it that people can't stand living a "boring" life of minding their own business as the Bible admonishes us to do in I Thessalonians 4:11 and 12? The other problem that I have found to be true with many people is their certain pettiness. It seems that all their brain can focus on is the petty things........the unimportant things when measured in terms of perspective. Through the years, I have worked along side women and have been in relationships with men in which everything I do and say is scrutinized to the point where it just becomes unbearable and intolerable. So I just bail out or quit because I can't stand it anymore. Why do people have to focus on petty "stuff"? (I would use another "choice" word in here but I'll refrain from using it) I mean, in the grand scope of things, how important is the fact that I use sweet-n-low on my salad? Or that I eat cocoa puffs for breakfast? (I'm using these as an example to show you the futility). You find this very evident in Washington politics as well. Congress is too busy battling out their partisanship over petty things than they are in actually addressing the real important matters such as the obvious energy crisis, not to mention the healthcare crisis in this country and our national debt which will no doubt lead to this country's demise. What about social security and medicare.........these programs that will undoubtly go broke in time. No, congress is too busy fighting back and fourth because they can't agree, so instead they decide to pass laws on things they can agree on like naming a highway or making a new national holiday. (Rep. John Shimkus of Illinois introduced a resolution to recognize June 30 as National Corvette Day. "It's probably not the best use of our time, but we have to do something. These resolutions make it look like we're working"). No wonder we see very little productivity.

I have always said I prefer to be autonomous and be by myself. Now you know why. And in terms of my job, this is why I prefer homecare instead. It's just me and the client and I can freelance my skills and experience, not to mention my unique gifts to a person in need of companionship and assistance with their adl's. I have never succeeded in Long-term care nor have I succeeded working in an office environment or anywhere where there is a "peaking order". Too many clicks, or in the case of politics, to much partianship and very little productivity. I have never been one to run with the herd, even in High School, I never cared about popularity or being in the "in" crowd or making sure my name was in every club. I was a loner, but that did not mean that I didn't have friends. Quality is much better than quanity.

The only conclusion I can come to is that the reason people engage in premediated backstabbing and gossip and deceitfulness is because they think the crowd will like them and accept them into the "group" or click. We know that to be true in High School. If you didn't drink, smoke and party or engage in premarital sex, then you were a square. It's unbelievable that people will be more inclined to engage in juicy gossip than they will in perserving someone's reputation and they do this all to their own advancement in the group. The worst part.........these people have no shame, much less a conscience. They spread their posion everywhere and this is why God is shoved out of their lives because they don't want to be held accountable for their actions nor do they what to be held to a standard of righteousness.