My mother accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend many years ago. She came out with this accusation on my birthday of all days when I turned 23. She demanded that I stay with her and admit to sleeping with her boyfriend and interrogated me like the CIA does with a terrorist. She took away my car keys so I could not leave and pulled my clothes as tight as she could threatening me to keep me there. I tried to tell her that the best thing that both of us can do right now is separate because it is impossible to have rational communication when both people are extremely upset. She would NOT accept that and still demanded I stay there and admit to something I did not do. It was not until I had to actually pull a knife out to defend myself so she would take me seriously and let me leave. Finally she did, but not until I endured hours of verbal accusation and interrogation. My mother convinced my brothers that I went ballistic and threatened her with a knife and made me appear to my brothers as though I was the out of control psycho and she was the victim. What she did was very skilled........and when I reacted to her abusive behavior which any normal sane person would do, I was the one painted as completely out of control. She was very manipulative and every one felt sorry for her and I was treated like a death row criminal.
After I moved out I was able to stay briefly with a friend in a nearby state and I guess because my mom felt guilty (which she should have), she put a couple hundred dollars in my bank account because she was "concerned" about me! But maybe perhaps I think she did so only to appease her own guilty conscience.
I ended up moving back with my brother Scott who had a house. Prior to my moving back with Scott, my other brother Tim was previously sharing the house with Scott but had moved back into my mothers house. Unfortunate for me (or I should say fortunate for me because I got the heck away from them), it did not work out because Tim took my mothers side and started attacking me and demanded I leave. Scott did not have a problem with me staying there because he took a neutral position between Tim/ mom and me. He was telling Scott what to do even though Scott was paying the rent. Tim and mom basically dominated Scott and I and Lorded over me.
During the time that I was staying with my brother Scott, both Tim and my mom continued in their relentless harassment of me. They both ganged up on me, especially my brother TIm and insisted that I go to a gyno to prove my virginity because they were absolutely certain I was "shacking" up with her boyfriend. Even when I agreed to go ( which I SHOULD HAVE told them to shove it up their ass because they are disgusting ), the gyno said to my mother that I was indeed a virgin, but she STILL did not believe me. I, to this day, can not believe the torture I endured from these people.....the heartless and abusive behavior towards me that I did not deserve. They basically made me feel worthless, like I had no value. Even when I tried to stand up for myself, I was always made to feel like my will and my feelings had absolutely no importance whatsoever.........the relationships were basically reduced to extremely controlling and dominating behavior and I was the one being completely controlled and dominated. I look back now and know that I allowed myself to be dominated and controlled for the sake of restoring the relationship and to show Christlike humility and submission, but unfortunately, it seemed to make things worse. God did not create us to be dominated and controlled by other people, in particular Christians who are supposed to know better, that is if they are genuinely born-again.
Moving out was indeed the best therapy for me. It allowed me to start filling my mind with the Truth of God's Word and what He says about me. I got away from all that abusive, controlling behavior and verbal assult and began renewing my mind with the Truth and God began to slowly heal my extremely damaged emotions. But this could only be done when I was away from my family on my own and they were not in my life. It was the greatest freedom and healing I had ever received and because of this, I started to gain tremendous confidence in my God that He was with me and that HE LOVED ME even when my family forsook me.
I really believe that all this happened to me because of the way I looked. In a previous post ( a subversive world view), I mentioned how everyone kept nagging me including my family about loosing weight (and mind you I was hardly overweight because according to the BMI charts my weight was fine). This world is programmed to think everyone is supposed to look like a barbie doll, especially if you are attractive. At that time, I never cared about what I looked like because I have always believed it is not what you look like but rather how you treat people that matters. But everyone kept focusing on my outward appearance and since the pressure became unbearable I finally decided I would loose weight. But once I lost weight that is when the crap hit the fan so to speak because suddenly I became very attractive and was now considered a threat by my mother. She openly admitted to me that she was extremely jealous of me. And I know that she never would have believed I was "shacking up" with her boyfriend if I was 200 lbs with acne all over my face or if I was a plain jane. People often aspire to be beautiful and assume that beautiful people have perfect lives or that they are rich or conceited. Some say beauty is a blessing but I can assure you it is a curse, an absolute curse because no matter how hard you try, people will ALWAYS judge you by your outward appearance! I have been trying to overcome this all my life and have often wondered how different my life and relationships would be if I was a plain jane.
I have also often thought at what point do you stop allowing yourself to be controlled and dominated by another person(s)? Perhaps you never should have allowed it to begin with in the first place. But what if the people controlling and dominating you are the very people you are dependent upon? This is why so many people EXPLOIT those weaker people (children as well) who they know are dependent upon them and it makes them feel powerful. I think it is disgusting for any human being to behave in such a manner because they themselves by their own behavior have reduced themselves to wild animals with no moral conscience and no rational thinking.